These are just some pics I wanna share with the world!!

Brrrr

Holy moly batman It Is COLD out there!! So My husband found a Job (YAY). Im so happy and excited for him but I suddenly find myself feeling a bit like a empty nester. I knew that It would be an adjustment going from having him here for over 6 months 24/7 but ........ Im feeling very LOST! We did EVERYTHING together. Now Im mopping the floors and doing dishes and watching tv but things just feel weird! Am I the only one that feels like this or that has felt like this???

October 12 - 13 2010 will be two days I will never forget! In this world of unspeakable crime ... wars ... crazy weather happenings. There are very VERY few happy things on our news channels anymore. So to sit and watch The Chilean Miners be rescued .. one by one ... to sit there and see the smiles and tears of extreme JOY on the faces of there loved ones was truly amazing!! Last night .. as the last few miners were brought up. I brought Sage In to watch .. live on my computer. Now In her 8 yr old mind the ability to totally grasp the true Immense power of the miracle she was witnessing was a bit .. well ... lacking lol! But that there Is one of those amazing moments In life that we should all let our children experience! That lil bit of pure .. unedited Joy! This was no movie, this was no book or reality show. THIS was LIFE! It was a miracle .. how many of us can say that we have witnessed a real .. honest to goodness MIRACLE!!! The faith amongst those miners ... the Pride amongst there people who stood around the world and watched and prayed for there people. And the amazing selflessness of the Chilean President to stay there .. for those two days and greet each miner ... there families .. the rescuers was truly amazing! Most presidents would have done there "duty" .. toured the site, said a few words and been gone. Not him. He stayed .. and he didnt stay out of duty or because the world was watching and It would make him look good. He stayed because those were his people down there , and he loved each of them and he wasnt going to leave them until ALL were safe and home with there families. Theres alot to be said about a man like that!! I hope we all have just a piece of that Inside ourselves. I also hope that we pass that piece onto our children and cultivate that true kind of love and compassion that he showed. We were born onto this earth without sin .. to spread love and peace throughtout the land and because of sin theres awsome amounts of hatred Instead. Lets all practice spreading the love and compassion this world was meant to have and see.

This Is the love of my life .. my everyday Joy and the reason I wake up every morning! Words cannot express how much I love this blossoming young lady! Over the summer she has grown In leaps and bounds. She Is really becoming more of herself and It Is such an amazing journey to sit back and get lil glimpses Into the woman she'll someday be! So far her school year Is off to a great start! 100's across the board and yes I know Its only the second week of school BUT I am just that proud! Some parents want there kids to be doctors or something of that sort, but our philosophy has always been .. be who are are and do what makes your heart happy!! I believe If we all did that a lil more our lives would be so much more fulfilling.

So on the family front .. Over the weekend we surprised sage with a very early wake up call on Saturday morning to take her to The Walkway over the Hudson to see a beautiful sunrise. Well .. of course there was so much cloud coverage we really couldnt see much! But she had soooo much fun and It was FREEZING! I believe our kids dont get to see enough amazing things .. and there Is sooo much beauty In this world she should get to experience!!!! I'll admitt It .. even though some parents out there wouldnt dare. I am at fault for my daughter not getting out as much as she should! There I said It .. Its out there now! Somewhere along the line I let myself go ... I stopped living and enjoying my life which In turn affected Sage and she didnt get out to do and experience things! So Its been my goal and duty as a mom to 1. Keep promises when I make them. 2. Do something outside with her everyday. Even If Its just letting her play on her school playground for a half hour! Last but not least 3. Expose her to the beauty of this world! What does that mean?? Show your child a sunrise or sunset .. find something there passionate about and RUN WITH IT!! Sage loves photography .. so I give her my camera and let HER take the shots. Its amazing to see that shes REALLY good at takin photos!! Let your kids move at there pace ... not yours. I love sports and yeah I could have really pushed my love onto her , but I just never felt that was right. For many years she HATED sports .. but recently shes shown an Intrest In soccer!! So right now Im fostering her new love of Soccer .. we'll see where this goes.

Simply put live your life as If there was no tomorrow. Teach your kids to see there surroundings not just walk through It. Open there eyes to everything and stand back and let them choose the direction they'll go with It. Do NOT push your ideals and beliefs onto them. Let them see both sides and If your living by what your teaching and your truly happy they will WANT to live that way too!!!

New Year

So the first week of Sages new school Is over. Im soooo very proud of her. Shes making friends and adjusting so well. I kinda like the new school. Theres alot of good things about It but no matter what, It will never be Smith. The weather lately has been beyond gorgeous! Today we went up to the walkway to see a sunrise but all the clouds got In the way. I still was able to get some really nice pictures. Omg It was sooooooo cold up there!! Right now .. Im watching Dirty Dancing. I totally love this movie. Patrick was such an amazing actor. I looked at him during his cancer battle and he was so graceful and strong that I never thought hed die. It made me believe that If Patrick could make It ... I had nothing to worry about when It came to my brother. And then .. Patrick died and I remember this Intense feeling of fear overwhelm me. I kept sayin to myself .. If he couldnt make It hows my brother supposed to? Cancer Is this evil soul sucking disease. It sucks everything out of everyone .. not just the person whoes sick with cancer but there family and friends! It drains your hopes and your dreams ... It depletes your energy and your happiness. It also teaches you that your stronger then you ever thought and with faith you can overcome anything. My brother Is still here ..... but his health Is slowly going downhill. I watch him as he takes advantage of his life .. and his loved ones. He lives as If hes already dead .. not taking Into account that hes still ALIVE when many others have lost there battle. I wish that hed wake up and live each day to the fullest. To love everyone In his life ... to make sure hes the husband and friend hes supposed to be. Instead he pushes everyone away and treats them like garbage because In his mind ........ Its better that way. I'll never undertstand that .. but I love him and for that reason alone... Im still here.

End of Summer

So I just got Sages school list and Im soooo excited to go and get what she needs! Am I nuts?? I am actually excited about school shopping!! I also excited to see her grow even more and make new friends. Shes grown so much over the summer alone and shes turned Into such a amazing young lady I couldnt be more proud of her! This new school yrs going to bring alot of really cool new adventures and experiences for Sage! I dont think I'll be joining the PTA this year. Last year was totally amazing ... those woman are amazing and I learned so much I just dont know If I could start all over again. I feel like Id be replacing them and Smith school and thats just not even possible. But I did have alot of fun helping the school and helping doing things who knows!
In a couple of days we will be surprising Sage by taking her to the Dutchess County Fair!!! Even though money Is tight we havent taken her In 2 yrs. Shes been such a good girl this summer and I cant wait to see her face when we get close enough for her to realize were we are going!!! Im going to take alot of pictures that day. Speaking of pictures I cant seem to figure out how to post albums on here! Im still learning how to spiffy this thing up! Well I'll write more as more things pop up!

I seriously hate feeling like this. I feel like my heads going to explode with all the pressure from this dang head cold I got. Im watching this Intresting show about a group of kids who were really Into clothes and spending money. So they went to India to work In sweatshops to see where and how the clothes they loved to buy and wear .. were actually made. Its a very eye opening show to watch these kids realize that there clothes on there back came at a price for someone else to make them. This blog Is just going to be a mish mosh of stuff and thoughts .. nothing very fluid due to my brain not working very well lol. Ughh Its raining out today .. been raining all night and I think Its supposed to rain all week!! I hope not cause we are supposed to surprise Sage by taking her to the Fair this coming weekend. She has no Idea that we are going .. so I cant wait to see her face!! We havent gone In 2 yrs so I cant wait either .. School starts soon .. late but soon and Sage Is excited but nervous. Another new school this yr .. new kids ... new everything but shes a tough cookie and I know she'll be just fine!! O M G Everytime I try to breathe through my nose or blow It I get this IMMENSE pain In my head and the back of my eyes!! God this really sucks and this rain and gloomy weather Isnt helping any. Ok well I dont have much else to say lol so I'll try to write more another time. laters gaters!!!

New Beginnings

Sometimes we do things In our life that we regret more than anything else. Sometimes these things are able to be righted and fixed and others not so much. Im very lucky to have that chance to right the wrongs and start anew!! I feel more then blesssed that I have the man I have and the Family and friends I have to support me along the way. They say you dont know what you have till you lost It .. well I almost lost the every thing that meant EVERYTHING to me. How things got so muddled ... how I got so lost Inside myself I'll never understand. I look back now and I dont know who that person was .. or how I even became her. What I do know Is I'll NEVER be her again!!! Ive gone back to my religion .. Im taking baby steps towards Baptisim. Its going to take awhile but now that I dont have this angry cloud hanging over me I feel more alive and more free than Ive ever felt before!!!! My husband Is the most AMAZING man ever!!! I am more .. BEYOND blessed to have him In my life and for us to be starting over again Is truly .. I know I keep saying It but ITs AMAZING. Somewhere along the line things got so messed up and I think I forgot why I married him .. but now I am more Inlove with him than I was the day I first laid eyes on him!! I feel more alive and whole and present than Ive EVER felt In my life. I was so angry before .. I carried such guilt and hatred towards myself that It eventually consumed me and I became lost In this Immense dark hole. It got so dark and so deep that I didnt even know who I was anymore and I didnt realize how much I had .. left this world. It was like I wasnt alive anymore .. I was so angry at myself that I took my anger out on everyone around me. I wasnt a good mother or wife but now ... thats all changed!! Im back and better than ever!! I have my God .. My husband .. my daughter and my family and friends. What more could I ask for!!!

Well I havent written In awhile. Theres soo much thats been going on here at home. First off ... we lost the fight to save my Daughters school. So now Its summer and Her school sits empty and will continue to sit empty In Sept :( Its been reallly hard on my daughter. She doesnt understand why these things happen but shes strong and I know she'll do really good In her new school! Some of the other things are that my Best Friend got Into a very bad car accident and almost died. That was a very scary time .. seeing her like that was horrible. But now we arent talking so yeah go figure! I'll always love her though no matter If we arent talking anymore. Hubby Is still unemployed ..UGHH Its been so frustrating seeing him try so hard and get nowhere!
Eventhough things have been so stressful we've managed to make this a very fun summer for Sage! Shes done alot of firsts this summer! Her first time fishing .. swimming In a lake .. Her first time playing monopoly! Shes learning how to swim and go underwater! Im so amazed at how fast shes grown just over this summer. The only thing we havent tackled Is her learning how to ride her bike because we've been doing so many other things. I feel very blessed to have such an amazing family and such Incredibly AMAZING friends!!!

The picture you see states " What would you attempt to do If you knew you couldnt Fail?" This qutoe/saying Intrigues me cause theres so much going on In my life right now. My Best Friend was In a head on collision over the past weekend. How she survived that crash I do not know... Angels watching over her?? A miracle?? I just dont know ... A little before that my Mother In Law fell down a flight of stairs and crashed through the banester. They are not sure whether she had a mild stroke or a mild heartattack .. How did she survive that fall??? Again .. Angels or just another Miracle. Now to find out that we have lost our fight to save my daughters school. I feel depleated , empty and worn out. I almost lost two people I love and now I AM losing something I love and that means the world to me. I thought that by fighting and getting support It would all be ok but I was wrong. Our support waned and even though our hope did not we lost. Now Im stuck having to rely on someone yet again for another MIRACLE!! How many of these Is one person allowed??? I feel as If Im being GREEDY If I dare to ask god for another miracle to save our school. So with just about a month of school left for us and these AMAZING kids Im praying and just enjoying and taking In every moment.. Im going to school for something I didnt even THINK about going to school for. It kinda fell Into my lap and now Im taking full advantage of It and Im going to take It as far as I can possiblily take It.. So theres alot of things In my life that Ive been through that I never thought I could handle. Im also taking on challenges that I never thought I could accomplish .. Its a very scary thing to be doing something you dont understand ,, trying to make It all make sense on top of running your normal life! I have so many things on my shoulders right now and at times I feel Im doing It all alone. But In the end I may be alone but Ill be stronger and better for It. So this quote has ALOT of meaning for me, cause you never know what you can handle , or what you can do Unless you try and dont think about the chance of failing!!!

Great food .. Great friends .. A glass of wine and marshmallows

You know how they say when It rains It pours. Well there right. This past two months has been really rough. Between fighting to save Sages school and my hubby losing his Job, I thought I was going crazy. Well If I wasnt then I sure am now. David found a lump by his scar where he had his last hernia operation. It looks like hes got another hernia and might need another surgery. Are you frickin KIDDING ME!! He just had a Job Interview this weekend and things were looking like they were about to turn a corner. This changes everything. Now who knows how hes going to recoup from this surgery, or If he'll be able to even go back to work again at all. Not to mention the fact that after his surgery , we'll lose his unemployment! To say that Im stressed Is an understatement.
On a good note, Ive been very blessed to have such amazing friends!! My girl Bridget has been nothing short of totally FABULOUS to our family. We went to school together along time ago and hadnt talked In years. Then just recently got back In touch and ever since shes been a light at the end of my tunnel. Between driving me places and helping me with food pantries. To just being a wonderful listner when Im really stressing out. Shes pregnant and Lil Aiden will be coming very soon and I cant wait to be able to hold him and return the favor by helping her watch him!! I dont know what Id do without her In my Life!! I just have to take everything day by day and keep my faith In my friends and God!!

This has been a very emotional week. Between my normal PTA stuff which was easy and fun, but now seems to make me tear up every time I see those kids. Wednesday was the Board Of Education Meeting. It was horrible. Almost all of them said to close our School. All except Mr Duncan! I kinda lost my temper at one point when Mr Wilson had the nerve to say that Smith School wasnt a community School. That really ticked me Off , I live right around the corner, as do many many others In my Neighborhood! This Is going to be a short Blog because Im just drained of emotion right now. I shoulda wrote earlier this week like right after the meeting. I woulda had alot more to say then. All I know Is that Im not done fighting for our School!!

So I went on a lil bit of a Rant on my Facebook .. About how our lovely School Board wants to close schools In out district and apparently the neighbouring District as well. Not Just any school but our Elementary schools!! I think this Is totally Ridiculous and assanine! It makes me sick at the thought of ANY of our schools being closed , let alone our Elementary Schools. They close one school thats approx 200 something kids that will now have to be spread out amongst the remaining Elementary Schools. Which displaces Families .. Disrupts Kids lives and There Parents lives!! Not to mention the fact that Its going to cause a HELL of alot of overcrowding which leads to Teachers not being able to teach as well as they could with fewer children In each class. Which means the kids are not all learning as well as they could be learning but WHO CARES!! Thats what our District Is telling us.. Who cares that OUR children arent going to learn as well ... who cares If OUR children are totally thrown out of there element cause you want to hire 4 assistants and hire assistants for your frickin assistants and spen OUR tax dollars so you can sit on your ass and point fingers while the rest of us are actually WORKING!! Really , you all need to seriously look In the mirror and then Into the faces of OUR CHILDREN and think long and hard about what your about to do!!!!

Angry

Toaday hasnt been a good day. Everything kind hit me all at once and really hard. I woke up very angry!!! Why did this happen to us .. why did this happen now. My allergies were killing me, and my stomach was In total knots. Then I realized.. halfway through the day I was biting off heads and pracitically In tears. This wasnt where we were supposed to be right now. We were supposed to be pulling out of our dark place not falling deeper Into It. Before I could actually see the light at the end of the tunnel, and nowonly darkness. And all of a sudden I got Into an argument and It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was actually HAPPY having him home and spending time with him and I knew that eventually he was going to find work and leave again. I like spending time with him and being altogether like this has been awsome. The money isnt Important .. Status Isnt Important but Family Is everything. I always felt that way but now this Is our new begining and a way to make sure that we no matter what loose sight of that!!
Sage had a pretty cool weekend. We dont celebrate alot of the Holidays but I try to give her pieces of those things because I feel thats Important. So she did a Egg hunt this weekend and she had a blast. She didnt get alot of eggs lol but she did awsome. My Friend gave her some beads and string to make necklaces. Now she wants to make and sell them .. aghhh my little entrepanuer!! The best thing was when she said she was goin to give US her money that she made to help pay bills lol.. I told her that If she makes the money she gets to keep and spend It how she wants!! Im so proud of the young woman shes becoming. Watching her grow everyday just amazes me. <3<3<3>

Happiness

Today was a good day! Alot of things are In place and hopefully they will all work out. I feel like we will be ok. I think my topic for todat should be friends.. Ive had friends before , ones that were fun to hang out with. Get In trouble with and ones that only came around when they needed something. But only few and far between did I have Friends that were actuall .. true blue friends. They say you find out who your friends are when you are down and out and OMG that saying soo came through for me right now. Ever since my friends found out that my Husband got laid off they have done nothing but step up and be there for me In ways I never could have Imagined. Im not used to people being there like this. Like Ive said theres only been like 2 people who have consistently been there for us , till now! We've always had to bounce back primarily on our own without alot of support. So this for me Is all new. But I feel very privledged to have such an amazing group of friends and I only pray that when the time comes. I am In the position to return the Favor!! The other thing I wanna talk about tonight Are my Amazing PTA Moms!! My girls rock my socks! I totally love how they keep me on my toes and make me Laugh so damn hard. I remember a time I made fun of PTA Moms. I swore Id never EVER be a PTA and here I am. The event coordinator of my Daughters schools PTA Lol Go Figure! And wanna know something even crazier I LOVE IT!But now I see just how wrong I truly was.. and How Extremely grateful that I found out now.. Cause I have the most AMAZING friends out of all this..

Staying Positive

Today was a good day. Woke up with a very upset stomach but did what I had too and kept a positive attitude. Made my coffee and snuggled with my hubby, while waiting For My friend and her son to come. Then we sat around and talked for a lil bit while waiting for my sister In law to let us know she was ready. We were taking all our kids to walk on the Walkway on the Hudson. It was soooo beautiful up there today but cold as all getout!! The kids ran and ran and we all talked our girl talk and enjoy the scenery. We went about a lil over halfway and then headed back to our cars. Then me and My Friend and out two kids headed to Vassar College for our Picnic by the pond. We ate our yummy PB&J sammies and watched the kids skip rocks and .. well just be kids. Then we drove over to another part of the college and parked her car and walked over to the art exhibit. I was very pleasently surprised to find how Intrigued and really Into the art our kids were!! They were fascinated and totally Into trying to figure out what the paintings were and what they thought of them from there perspective. Our day ended with my friend driving us home and now me..sitting here thinking. My brain goes back to the reality of our life right now and the horror of the truths as they are coming to light. I wish I didnt have to think bout all this , but If I dont we will yet again be blindsided by the outcomes. The straight truth Is If we dont get unemploymeny ... we will be homeless. No job I find can make enough money to pay rent ... and we only have a month for My husband to find a sustainable Job which Is highly unlikely. So yeah , we'll be homeless with nowhere to go. I feel like a loser cause we can sell the truck and get rid of a few more things but without any money coming In we STILL cant take care of what we need to. What am I supposed to tell my Daughter. We promised her that wed never go through that again. When she was little we got suddenly evicted from our apt because of a bunch of really Jealous people. We ended up living In a hotel room and It was very very hard on my daughter. I dont want to do that to her again. Not to mention that we have 6 cats that are like our children. Right now all we have are prayers. Lots and Lots of prayers. I pray we can get unemployment. I pray we can get a lil foodstamps and I pray for a job for me that'll make up the difference of what he made and what he'll lose ..... Feeling very lost.

Now what ....

Ok so The last couple weeks have been good. Really good. Things were really, for once starting to look like they were finally changing for the Better. And then WHAM the rug was pulled out from under us. Today My husband found out that He got laid off. Yup Laid off, out of nowhere we were totaly blindsided by this. Hes been there for 4 yrs, Is a hard worker and now hes unemployed. Im not working, I mean I just got this small babysitting Job which Is something but my god Its not what he was making. We have Rent and a truck Payment and A child.. WTF!!! To say Im mad Is an understatement. What the hell are we going to do now. We've been down and out before but this .... this Is different. We've never had to worry bout him not having a Job , and worrying bout getting denied for Food Stamps. Isnt that ridiculous. We could get denied for food stamps because he might make too much a month on Unemployment. But yet It will be nowhere near enough to survive!!! So now Its all Survival mode. We already know we can food shop at the Dollar store. I know4 of some Food outlets where we can get cheap Breads and stuff. Ive been thinkin bout buying alot of flour and making my own bread .. to save money. We need a Washer Machine so we can at least wash our own cloths and not have to go to the Laundary matt anymore. The killer thing for me Is we might have to sell Our Truck. We dont have alot of material things , thats not what we are about noway .. nohow. But that truck was the first thing we ever bought ourselves. We got that Loan and We have been making the payments on time and It was the first thing that we didnt have to ask for help with. we did It all on our own and now I feel Like such a failure cause we might have to sell It so we can pay rent and put food on our table. Worst Part Is, even If we sell It right now lol wed still be struggling to get buy. Is It funny that I dont mind struggling a lil??? It makes you appreciate the things you have and those you surround yourself with. theres a Line In a song where It says you appreciate the friends you have cause every year that passes there worth gold. Ive got the best friends out there by Far!! They are always there for me , When I need a shoulder to cry on or Just an ear. Im blessed that way.
Im just feeling really lost right now. We try and try to do things right. We live right .. we try and raise our daughter right. We teach her manners and to do the right thing with others. To treat everyone equal and with respect. We try an be respectful to all we come across. I hold Doors .. I say thank you to strangers .. I Stop at the cross walks. Im Pta I go on all her classs trips why why why Does this happen to the good people!!! I see people out there On welfare or section 8 driving beemers and wearing furs and carrying channel purses and living In houses and we cant even make our bills!!! OMG It Infuriates me to no god forsaken end! All I know Is that I have to keep my Faith. Prayer .. Family and Friends Is what Im holding close right now... Cause right now that Just might be all we have..........

Just a Few Q's ...

Ok so after going through looking for people to follow, I realized something... I SUCK at Blogging!! Omg these peoples pages were gorgeous ... cute backgrounds with Pictures In them and .. yeah I need alot of HELP ! So If theres anyone out there In Blogville that can please give me some tips on how to make my Page look just a lil bit better I would be very Greatful!! Ty <3

Here we go

Ok so here we go.. Ive said I wanted to start a blog for people to come voice there opinions and such and I can vent on Issues or Topics that make me happy or Irritate me. Im always on Facebook and Me and My friends always get Into these really great discussions on everything from being a mom .. or a wife .. To the Health Care bill and other Political Topics.. Nothing Is off limits with my girls. So In turn nothing Is off limits on here either! I only ask 1 thing .... Please respect others opinions. Of course we are all not going to agree.. or see eye to eye, but we can still speak our minds without degrading or putting someone down!
So the FB ( Short for Facebook for those who dont know ) topic since yesterday Is Living Simply.. Call It a Grass Root movement sent Into motion by a few of my friends that realized we all have the same main goal for our Lives. That Is to just cut back on everything you can and to kinda go back to he way we all grew up. Now key word here Is IF YOU CAN!! I dont want a bunch of angry Moms and Dads screaming at me bout how they cant get rid of this and that for such and such a reason. You do what you can. But heres my Thing I want you all ( not that anyones actually going to read this lol ) to honestly sit back and look at how you spend your time. Not your money... your TIME. How often do you actually go outside with your kids and throw a ball? Or go for a walk? Or even just sit down and eat dinner together, and NOT In front of the TV!! Now once youve done this .. I want you to really think hard about what you could cut out..back.. In order to give your family more of you. Its amazing what you might find. I remember always being outside and runnin around, now adays kids are addicted to Video Games and Computers ( I am guilty of this ) and They donget out and get active. Understandably there are alot more Two Income Familys out there now then there was before. My friend .. and I wont say her name cause I dont have her Permission to do so , made a very good comment the other day. Life Is not about how much money you make , but how much TIME you make! That Is so very true ... Yeah we need money to pay bills and feed ourselves. But really Is It sooooo worth killing yourselves to have the nice house and the nice cars but yet you dont know your family??? Im just saying... So I'll leave off on that note. Let me know how you feel/think!!!